Lyme makes me angry...
Today I’m angry - I woke up with nothing to be angry about. The sun was shining for the second day in a row, the sky was a bright, bright blue, and I could hear the birds waiting for their breakfast. I made my husband’s lunch and sat down to have my morning coffee. I’m so angry that I can feel the pain in my chest..
I’m reminded, no matter how sunny or blue it is outside, my world doesn't seem to change much inside. I understand the saying “life is what you make it”, but sometimes I just want my world back. I want to go to get in my car and drive to get my favorite coffee on the way to work. I want to focus my energy all day on comforting a patient getting ready to go in for surgery, holding their hand, sitting on the edge of their bed after placing their IV, and listening to their fears. I want to help. I want to be there for them. I want to reassure their family members, and bring them a cup of coffee; after all, that’s the least I can do for them as they wait nervously for their Mother, Father, Husband or Wife to arrive back to them safely. I want to care for them postoperatively. I want to make sure their pain is under control and their wound is looking healthy. I want to place them gently in their car, and know they’re safe and comfortable. I want to help..
I want to bounce my way down to the waiting area smiling, to get my next patient, making other’s I meet along the way smile. I want to take the focus off of my own pain and suffering. I want to live outside of these 4 walls. I want to do things. I want to go places. I want to be part of society. I know I was placed on this earth to help others. I have a job to do…
I’m angry that I'm sick, but thankful I’m alive. I’m angry that I can’t do my job, but thankful it’s there for me when I’m healed. I’m angry that I’ve been alone a lot for the past 7 1/2 months, but thankful for my amazing husband, that other’s out there suffering may not have. I’m angry for the ones that have not come to visit, but thankful for a co-worker from another unit that has been visiting, to distract me from my suffering.
I have a job to do. Lyme just makes me angry…
Hello Nurse Lisa.... I hope you are starting to improve or that there us some sort of difference for the better. Sorta worried that we gave not heard you for a while. And you have a right to be angry. I think it is very normal to feel that way and it is better for you to say how you feel , acknowledge it, face it, but don't let it rule you or your life.
ReplyDeleteAlot going on here in good old Pa. ! Including being bit the 24th of June by a tick. Lucky me. Remember how I said Pa . Isn't to great with follow ups or concerns about ticks are. Well I have now first hand seen the if reaction again , for the second time since 2010. Found the darn little thing and the red mark, above my right knee after I got back from a celebration of my grandsons girlfriend's graduation from the first oars of her schooling to be a physicians assistant with honors. She has another 3 years to go. Pulled it straight up with tweezers and put it in a jar. Since it was 8pm on a Saturday night , no place to go or call. Put it in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. Washed the area twice before I went to bed with soap and water, and rubbing alcohol. Found the second spot when I went to bed. No tick. Called my doctor Monday morning and was told my doctor wasn't in till the following week. Jeezy what a time to be away. Was also told that unless the tick had been in my skin more than 36 hours that they don't do anything. I asked them how the he'll do I know. But I had the tick. They wouldn't do anything unless it was longer. They also said that is the policy. If it was in there longer than 36 hours that I would get a course of docycycline . As of 2010 with the bulls eye rash on my arms , I am allergic to the damn stuff..Like rash , hives and itch like crap. Needless to say I thought the doctor was going to have a heart attach back then. But I tested negative for lymnes then. This time no test at all. But so far no bullseye. Though I do know that it doesn't necessarily have to be there. I hope and pray.
Also I hope with warmer weather and more of your meds on board to combat what you have, that there is some improvement. Prayers to you. Was thinking of you.
Hello Nurse Lisa.... I hope you are starting to improve or that there us some sort of difference for the better. Sorta worried that we gave not heard you for a while. And you have a right to be angry. I think it is very normal to feel that way and it is better for you to say how you feel , acknowledge it, face it, but don't let it rule you or your life.
ReplyDeleteAlot going on here in good old Pa. ! Including being bit the 24th of June by a tick. Lucky me. Remember how I said Pa . Isn't to great with follow ups or concerns about ticks are. Well I have now first hand seen the if reaction again , for the second time since 2010. Found the darn little thing and the red mark, above my right knee after I got back from a celebration of my grandsons girlfriend's graduation from the first oars of her schooling to be a physicians assistant with honors. She has another 3 years to go. Pulled it straight up with tweezers and put it in a jar. Since it was 8pm on a Saturday night , no place to go or call. Put it in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. Washed the area twice before I went to bed with soap and water, and rubbing alcohol. Found the second spot when I went to bed. No tick. Called my doctor Monday morning and was told my doctor wasn't in till the following week. Jeezy what a time to be away. Was also told that unless the tick had been in my skin more than 36 hours that they don't do anything. I asked them how the he'll do I know. But I had the tick. They wouldn't do anything unless it was longer. They also said that is the policy. If it was in there longer than 36 hours that I would get a course of docycycline . As of 2010 with the bulls eye rash on my arms , I am allergic to the damn stuff..Like rash , hives and itch like crap. Needless to say I thought the doctor was going to have a heart attach back then. But I tested negative for lymnes then. This time no test at all. But so far no bullseye. Though I do know that it doesn't necessarily have to be there. I hope and pray.
Also I hope with warmer weather and more of your meds on board to combat what you have, that there is some improvement. Prayers to you. Was thinking of you.
Nurse Lisa. I hope there has been some improvement to your illness and things didn't get worse. I think of you often. And wonder how things are. But wasn't shure what part of social media you could tolerate. My email address is jkjmboyd@gmail.com. I haven't seen anything even on your blog. Though I admit this old women definitely doesn't understand how it all works. I hope and pray that that there has been an improvement , some how. Please take care.
ReplyDeleteNurse Lisa. I hope there has been some improvement to your illness and things didn't get worse. I think of you often. And wonder how things are. But wasn't shure what part of social media you could tolerate. My email address is jkjmboyd@gmail.com. I haven't seen anything even on your blog. Though I admit this old women definitely doesn't understand how it all works. I hope and pray that that there has been an improvement , some how. Please take care.
ReplyDelete